The dumbest armour in PC gaming records
Posted by Jonathan M. McCoy on 13th May 2019

Historically, the primary reason for armor turned into to defend your guts from incoming weapons or appearance bright and stunning for ceremonial functions. In video games, it’s frequently hard to inform what the blacksmith became questioning. Whether it’s over-engineered spiky nonsense or skimpy BDSM tools, its most common job appears to be making our heroes appearance ridiculous. But that is the craziest? We attempted to pick out the best of the worst from across PC gaming records, assembling an eclectic mix of armor that’s hideous, hilarious, and nonsensical.

To positioned a cherry on the pinnacle, we shared those designs with armor maker Craig Johnson, who’s been analyzing and crafting his own duration-accurate armor and guns with Arms & Armor for greater than 25 years. He also helps run a non-profit referred to as The Oakeshott Institute committed to the history of armor. Its contemporary undertaking is the use of photogrammetry to create 3-d fashions of actual historic armor and weaponry. Craig had some things to mention about the worst of the worst.

Enclave – Lady Von Buckethead


Evil fashion disasters don’t get a good deal worse than this. Where can we even start? Not most effective does it suffer from the same old horny-armor trouble of drawing interest to some of the worst places to be shot with an arrow, it’s virtually a length too small. And what’s with that Knightmare helmet? Not most effective can’t she see, those horns are going to get caught in actually everything. Just… no.

Craig’s take: “Other than the fact that you can’t see… If you have a helmet you are seeking out safety, obviously. Having the decrease face open is not a big deal. You have sallets from the Medieval period with that function as nicely. But protrusions like the side horns, those are massive levers on the facet of your head which you’re supplying to your opponent to grab or hit with their weapon and ba

 

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sically come up with whiplash, if now not breaking your neck.

It’s an attempted-and-truism with myth stuff, put giant horns on there, but the first-rate thing that could happen to you in a sword fight is seeing a man coming at you with massive horns on his helmet.”

Lands of Lore – Medieval Krang
Why combat when you could intimidate human beings into surrendering with a scary set of armor and a deep booming voice? Of route, it commonly enables to enhance it with something a bit more difficult than this dollar-toothed stomach-friend who looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reject and seems to need to constant himself in opposition to the nearest table. Points for the attempt, none for the style.

Craig’s take: “Some of the current delusion stuff would not without a doubt do justice to the period craftsmen who created things that had been top notch. Some ‘fable’ armor from the middle ages is a lot greater wonderful than lots of the armor it really is depicted in those video games. Negroli is a well-known armorer in Italy who created just fantastic stuff. He did this breastplate this is all kind of a batwing motif with eyes on it, and that they literally used a replica of it in one of the Riddick films. The lead necromancer guy has that breastplate on. It’s a steal from the Renaissance. Right there you have got incredible fantasy armor, however, it is the real stuff.”

Ghosts and Goblins – A knight to dismember
Okay, visually Sir Arthur here has little to complain approximately. His armor is wise, if no longer as quiet as on different structures, doesn’t get inside the manner of him hopping and leaping around the undead, and it does do something to defend him from them. But perhaps tissue paper wasn’t the ideal preference? When a full set of plate armour—what every RPG tells us is the toughest—simplest takes a single hit earlier than leaving you on your underpants, you’d the better desire you kept the receipt.

Craig’s take: “It would be quite dang long lasting. Definitely now not pop off after your first hit. That form of defeats the reason for your armor, in a feel. It’s there for whilst you leave out a strike or block together with your weapon, make a mistake and get hit. In a sensible experience, it misses, there.

“But as an amusement, they’d forms of the joust in primary Europe where they’d components of the armor that had been rigged so that after you obtain hit with the aid of a lance in a jousting pass, elements could fly away. Pop off, shoot up into the air. They had shields they’d put on on their left shoulder designed to explode into exclusive portions. So you see that thing even inside the length, designed to enhance the viewership of the joust. When you reflect consideration on it, men riding at every other on horses looking to hit each different with a pole, kinda wonderful the primary 12 instances you see it, however, whilst you get to the thirtieth pair that day, it receives a touch dry.”

World of Warcraft – Overcompensation of the Lich King


You’d assume that being one of the maximum effective figures in Warcraft lore could give you a certain self-confidence. Apparently no longer. Arthas here is a guy who simply doesn’t recognize when to surrender. Skulls! Skulls everywhere! Skulls and spikes and frosty decorations on each square inch of his armor, as though anyone’s going to see him coming and be all “I’m wondering… Illidan?” It’s specifically unlucky that as hard as he became back in 2008, 10 years later all that armor can slightly soak up a /slap emote. Can’t be cozy sitting on the Frozen Throne in it either.

Ultima VIII – Lord Von Buckethead
So terrible taste isn’t simply confined to evil. The Avatar has been pressured into numerous awkward costumes over the course of Ultima, from the goofy snake aesthetic of the Hierophant of Balance to his almost priestly have a look at the quit of Ultima VIII. None stand out as badly as his Pagan outfit though, which makes him look less like a hero than a cosplayer whose mother attempted their high-quality.
South Park – Well preserved
Of course, this one’s absolutely a joke. With all of the children of South Park playing the superhero, one might need to get his Iron Man on. Cue Token Black because the powerful Tupperware, defined as “A one-in-a-million pantry accident grew to become Token Black into Tupperware, Cyborg superhero with the power to construct deadly Tupper Turrets and keep food sparkling.” His gun turrets won’t have the offensive energy of Cartman’s mouth but are arguably greater beneficial in any playground conflict.

Hang on, you’re in all likelihood questioning. That’s now not armor. That’s only a Malkavian hitting the city in style. Well, actual! Except that that is officially Body Armour as some distance the game’s concerned, and now not just due to the fact the Malks are crazy enough to suppose so. Presumably, the hat is lined with kevlar and that fur coat… nicely, it does look very thick. On the plus aspect, it’s absolutely going to get the kine to preclude their eyes on the road and warm the non-beating coronary heart of even the coldest Kindred.

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Craig’s take: “Very appropriate for Mardi Gras. You should have kydex plates in there or something, it is a mild tough plastic. In the dueling age of the Renaissance, they talk about things to look at out for whilst you’re combating any other man with a sword. If you’re out dueling, make sure he opens his blouse and shows you his chest to make sure he doesn’t have a flesh-colored breastplate on below the blouse. Human beings, vampire or otherwise, will cheat in the event that they have the danger.”