Addressing A number of the Conspiracies Concerning My (Hillary Clinton’s) Health
Posted by Jonathan M. McCoy on 14th August 2020

Hillary Clinton’s campaign, responding to huge political stress after she needed to be helped into a van on Sunday—and after waiting hours before explaining that she become affected by pneumonia—stated Monday that it might launch greater clinical records approximately her this week. —The Times.

Tightness in Chest

Again whilst it first have become clear that Bernie Sanders might be a extreme contender in the Democratic primaries, I began to sense a tightness in my chest. In the beginning, I thought it become most effective heartburn, however now I suppose it’s stress. Now not that I felt mentally or emotionally burdened—I thrived on the respectful discourse that Senator Sanders incited, and I used to be so inspired to see what number of younger human beings he energized. however then Donald Trump have become a Presidential candidate and that I think my body just internalized a lot of stuff.


At one checkup, my docs considered the possibility that I was stricken by Intake or a few other Victorian fever, but then they realized my stylist had overdone it with the blush for a Television look.

Choking on a Pretzel
I am very ashamed to mention that I choked on a pretzel from giggling so tough once I heard that President George W. Bush had choked on a pretzel. I now understand that it wasn’t that funny.

Double Vision

It’s far widely recognized that in overdue 2012 and early 2013, after fainting and sustaining a concussion, I in brief suffered from double Vision. I idea that possibly my double Vision had again earlier this month, but then I found out that I was looking at a picture of Donald Trump after a shrivelled, lint-blanketed marshmallow circus peanut.

Minor “Stroke”

I have to had been having a minor stroke once I decided to apply a non-public 1ec5f5ec77c51a968271b2ca9862907d server when I used to be Secretary of State! No longer actually—I am making a bit joke. Strokes are a extreme Health issue, and I have by no means had one. Speakme of jokes: the bowled over face I made at a campaign stop earlier this yr, which a few bloggers have speculated become me having a seizure, is just a chunk I do with Invoice each time he offers to take out the trash. The conceit of this bit is that I am so surprised that Bill is offering to assist that it shocks my gadget into complete neurological disintegrate.


Franklin Delano Roosevelt became one of our greatest Presidents, and I am very proud to mention that, like him, I battled polio. Polio is preventable By way of vaccine, but unfortunately there’s no therapy. However, through sheer tenacity, pressure of will, and smart negotiating abilities, I managed to cure myself of polio. I promise to apply those equal strategies to defeating ISIS and disposing of earnings inequality.